for queenofkur

[mrvillain]

[So, what was this about a dinner in the Underworld?]

[He's not sure how he ended up here. If it's a Ranger, he'll claw his way up for revenge. If it's just magic- a visit, something he doesn't quite know? He'll... politely ask for an exit. For now, he still guesses that he's theoretically in his redemption arc.]

[Personally he thinks the whole of humanity needs a redemption arc before he does.]

Excuse me. [He's calling out to who he suspects is responsible.] How long is this going to take. I have important work to do. [Honestly if he doesn't bring Rooney food at some point he might forget to eat and keel over. Again.]

Comments

[queenofkur]

[ The one he called out to is a loating half-skeleton with a long veil floating behind them. They look at him quizzically and make some weird noises that cannot be understood in the least before promptly leaving him alone.

... ... ... ...

Five minutes later however, the "Gallû Spirit" as it is named comes back with a familiar face. The goddess looks shocked to say the least. ]

H-Heh? [Blinks blinks.] What are you doing here? Did you die?! B-But souls aren't supposed to retain their corporeal form while they're down here...

[ The Gallû Spirit rushes to Ereshkigal and gives her a thick, old book with "Death Records" written on the cover.

She immediately starts flipping through its pages in a hurry, looking for his name and cause of death... Because it's inevitable, his name must be here if he died and reached her Underworld! Even if he's an alien who originated from outside the human order, so long as he's here, his name got to be there!

And yet... Nothing so far. T-That's quite the startling predicament!! ]

[mrvillain]

[He sighs in a way that causes a puff of purple smoke waft from between his teeth with the force of it. Absolute cosmic exhaustion. He knew, in the end, it would be faulty bureaucracy that would be the death of him. It makes perfect sense.]

Sometimes I have given up on knowing why anything happens. It's fine. I'll probably wake up in my chair later feeling the effects of wherever I've been. It won't be the first time.

[The General here, saying, 'It's fine' in the way that it's not at all fine and he's deeply irritated but he's kind to service workers, and from what he can tell this skeleton... thing? Is just a service worker at the mercy of it and it's superior's judgement. So.]

[It's. Fine. He guesses. As long as it's eventually fixed.]

[His chains clank as he walks tail dragging along behind him. He reaches up and pats one of the hands at his shoulders.] Check for my friend here as well. This is my main weapon, but it is alive and thinks for itself.

[Then, like he's trying to soothe it when the knuckles tremble uneasily, mutters.] You're okay. It's probably analog to digital record keeping. That happens to us, too.

[queenofkur]

[ She turns pages, pages and more pages... She looks more and more confused... And eventually, there are no pages left to turn. His name isn't in there.

She gives the book back to the Gallû Spirit and speaks to it in a strange language he probably cannot understand. ]

Go check the archives.

[ The spirit immediately goes and does as instructed, and Ereshkigal turns back to look at the man. Wait, are those hands on his shoulders? And they're his weapon?!

... Aliens really are stranger than she thought. But she's not gonna check, if his name's not in there, neither are the weapons. ]

D-Do you remember how you arrived here?

[ Maybe he'll have an answer. If not, well she supposes she can kill him and this'll settle this issue. But that's a bit of a drastic measure. ]

[mrvillain]

[As she speaks to her little bony buddy in a strange language, he checks his talons as if he's making sure his manicure still looks good. The cape is indeed its own entity- a creature hitching a ride like a loyal pet, sharing complete intention and fantastic at taking cues so it looks like they should be attached.]

I walked through a door. [He says dryly, with exhaustion. No blame. Just exasperation that he walked through a door and now he's in hell! Fantastic.]

[Is this hell? He can't imagine he'd end up anywhere else. Denying that generally in his life he's been a very sweet person with a thin veneer of bastardry.]

This particular thing has never happened to me before, though. I don't have a history of displacing doors. I've spoken to tree entities and worked at a toy workshop in my dreams that seemed to actually produce presents. The door is new.

[queenofkur]

[ Through a door..? That can't be one of the seven gates of the underworld, they're all broken and she has to voice them manually. No, the only logical conclusion is that: ]

So there is a gate connecting your realm to the Underworld...?

[ That's most definitely new. She's never heard of such a direct way to access her Underworld. Usually people have to find hidden entrances deep in caverns. Or if you're as stupid as Ishtar, you just blow a big hole into the ground. Thankfully, he's not Ishtar.

But... Does that mean he created that gate?! Perhaps without even realizing it. It may have been an unexpected part of his plan, like if he'd decided to try and raise an army of the dead to kill humans.

... ... ... ... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ]

I-is this a ploy to destroy humanity with a zombie apocalypse?! [She points an accusatory finger at him.] I'm warning you, I will absolutely go to war if you try to harm the souls under my care!!

[mrvillain]

No. I have my own army to destroy humanity. Taking someone else's seems rude. [(???)]

I will go back as soon as I have a way back. [But, in case, to be reasuring that he's not here to usurp power, a black ripple of smoke and particles runs down over him and he's in his civilian clothes.]

I'll wait. But if I don't go back, eventually they'll put Trigger in charge, and he'll definitely escalate the plan to destroy humanity.

[queenofkur]

[ Mhm. She can tell he is speaking the truth. Even if he wasn't, defeating her in the Underworld is impossible. Gods tend to reign supreme within their own domains, and the specificity tied to her make it even more impossible to stand a chance against her. ]

Well, I will have my Gallû Spirits investigate this...

[ She still eyes him suspiciously, but finally she clears her throat. Alright, maybe this situation can lead to a positive outcome. ]

In the meantime, I suppose this is a good occasion for the Christmas dinner I promised will allow you to start your redemption arc.

[ The inevitable conclusion, she can see his character arc from miles away! ]

[mrvillain]

[Is it even near Christmas? Is it Christmas here? Has the person who made Christmas even been born in this world?]

[He cracks his knuckles- not aggressively exactly, but more like he's working his hand while he's thinking.]

Mm. What do Christmas dinners have that regular dinners don't?

[He doesn't know any of the rules. He does know he's heard a lot of people say they don't like to go to Christmas dinner. Like it's some kind of unbearable trial where they're challenged to fights to the death with their family members. He's imagined it's something like that but you exchange gifts at some point.]

[queenofkur]

[ She turns back the way she came from and starts descending towards the deeper levels of the Underworld. ]

Follow me.

[ The Underworld is a gigantic cavern filled with spear cages as far as the eye can see. Four to six little lights float peacefully in each of those cages: souls sleeping until they are ready to reincarnate. They're on a narrow path that's going down towards the deepest level where she resides. ]

W-Well I don't know, I've never had one. Or a regular dinner for that matter. [She's eaten before, b-but all alone and with no grand preparations or the likes. But that doesn't matter, not one bit!] But Christmas is the most beautiful human holiday. Miracles can happen on that day. I-It means a lot to me.

[mrvillain]

[He grunts an acknowledgement at that.]

I like it, too. They have Christmas cakes.

[And he can make snow creatures and snow angels.] Regular dinner is nice if the people aren't loud. I like to cook. I could make you one sometime. It doesn't have to have a lot of people. [He's practiced at all kinds of foods at this point. He could even make it four full courses.]

I don't have a big table to sit at, though. So you would have to find the table.

[queenofkur]

[ Cakes! And decorations. And gifts. And snow. And more importantly, the people you love! W-Well, they're not here right now but if they become friend, maybe he'll count? That'd be nice. ]

Sure. [She nods.] For today's dinner however, I have already prepared everything.

[ As they reach the lower levels, snow starts appearing, covering the ground and cages. Where does it come from, they are underground? And why are there Christmas lights around the gates? Actually, why are the Gallû Spirits roaming around decorated like Christmas Trees?

All those questions have an answer: the magic of Christmas! She doesn't know how it works, but since Santa visited, that's just how it is. ]

C-Can you see behind that hair of yours?

[ It covers his eyes and it pretty thick! Honesty it's a good way to look more evil, but it's not so good to see clearly. ]

[mrvillain]

I can see fine. [Somehow. He's just really good at peaking between his hair nowadays, and when it falls like it wants to, if he's not slicking it back somehow this is just what it does. Though he'd be surprised it made him look more evil. He just lets it hang down when he's off-duty because he doesn't want to mess with it, and it hides the fiercer features of his face. Even lets him pass for a human since most people ignore his little sticky-out-ears (probably being polite).]

...Are they wearing garlands?

[This is a little like Christmasween. Which some people would find ideal but he's still getting acquainted with Earth holidays.]

[He puts his hand out to catch some of the snowflakes to see how much like 'normal' snow it is.]

[queenofkur]

[ They probably think he's disguising himself as one of those characters from popular human fiction. Volkun? Kulkan? She's not entirely sure, but she remembers reading about it in a book about modern human culture. ]

Yes. It happens every Christmas ever since Santa came here.

[ The snow is absolutely normal snow. She smiles when she sees him try to catch the snowflakes, she won't admit it but she'd done the same too.

... She still does. ]

I like it. I think the souls do, too. It's easier to put them to sleep whenever Christmas comes... I would ask them, but I can't understand what they say. [She sighs.] A-Anyway, we're nearly there!

[mrvillain]

[This is slightly the most horrifying Christmas he's ever seen, but he's just going to go look tentatively at some of these lovingly decorated cages. And this is a man who has a torturer under his employ.]

[He's dubious on engaging much with her, at least.]

Put them to sleep? Do they need to be put to sleep?

...Are the children going to be dead? [He is beginning to have so many concerns.]